Isn’t Ethan Cute?
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Saturday, April 24, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
What happens now...
Writing, the simple act of taking my laptop out on the town or, travelling, always with a pen and a notebook, has often been my refuge.
Words arrive in my head and stay with me like mosaic tiles, shining in their individuality and waiting to be part of a whole, on numerous occasions I have carried sentence fragments in my head or on the tip of my tongue for years, before knowing where the "whole" is that they fit into.
I have written in bars and on transatlantic flights, written on all manner of public transport all over the world...
So, here's the question- Why then, when I have the time and the space and the emotional support to tell my stories, to play with words in a way that I don't often have in my life and which may in fact be fleeting, do I have such a hard time actually making the time to write?
It is not writers block, it isn't fear.
It is a and expectation I have of myself, a series of would haves and should haves that of course I would love to be immune to but, again of course, am not.
So my words chase their own tales and wait.
I suppose I wait too.
I wait for daily inspiration.
I wait until I can hear the voice in my head that says, "forget that you didn't write yesterday, forget what could have been. Think about what is and where you are..." and believe it. Or at least listen.
I am listening today.
I will start with this blank slate, here...
What happens now is anyone's guess.
Words arrive in my head and stay with me like mosaic tiles, shining in their individuality and waiting to be part of a whole, on numerous occasions I have carried sentence fragments in my head or on the tip of my tongue for years, before knowing where the "whole" is that they fit into.
I have written in bars and on transatlantic flights, written on all manner of public transport all over the world...
So, here's the question- Why then, when I have the time and the space and the emotional support to tell my stories, to play with words in a way that I don't often have in my life and which may in fact be fleeting, do I have such a hard time actually making the time to write?
It is not writers block, it isn't fear.
It is a and expectation I have of myself, a series of would haves and should haves that of course I would love to be immune to but, again of course, am not.
So my words chase their own tales and wait.
I suppose I wait too.
I wait for daily inspiration.
I wait until I can hear the voice in my head that says, "forget that you didn't write yesterday, forget what could have been. Think about what is and where you are..." and believe it. Or at least listen.
I am listening today.
I will start with this blank slate, here...
What happens now is anyone's guess.
Monday, April 12, 2010
3:33
Sometimes, I have the most clarity during this amber, pink hued space between falling asleep and being awake. Sometimes not. This is the time when the grammar and the pretense of knowing what I'm doing fall away. I live with that.
I once had an acupuncturist tell me that your liver replenishes itself between 2 and 4 in the morning, that in chinese medicine your liver is the place of transition and process and pulling yourself back into the circle of being that is you.
It follows then that those of us often awake during these are working towards something, working something out, engaging in some kind of personal process or praxis- moving always forward into tomorrow.
Certainly this has been, and continues to be a time of deep transition in my life and the lives of those I love vehemently enough to call family. This is not a negative, it just is.
There is a sort of undulating mantra of my own making, I return to again and again, it always goes something like this: This is what I know- I know that I am loved and that those I love know it, everyday. I know beyond the trappings of Western constructs, beyond the idea(l) of productivity that I am worth it and that knowing who you are and what you believe is not an end point, it is a state of being, of endless circular, self-perpetuating movement and a practice of acceptance. It is something I, and I believe most of us cannot endeavor to tackle alone, who are we anyway, without the people that matter to us?
I could list again the many tangible ways in which the past year or so have been about completion, transition, adjustment, the pursuit of love... But we know that already.
Right now, I am choosing just to accept the process and to continue living in all of those moments, whatever and whomever they bring me, whatever and whomever I find in myself.
I will continue to know that I am complete, that I am here and that there will never be a point when I arrive at a finite destination, a place of "doneness" where I have nothing left to learn, nothing left to want, no more love to give to myself, no more love to give anyone else- no, those feelings will only continue to grow exponentially.
I will continue to love those I love with fervor, with my whole self. I will endeavor everyday to embrace the process, to grow more and give more and be.
I once had an acupuncturist tell me that your liver replenishes itself between 2 and 4 in the morning, that in chinese medicine your liver is the place of transition and process and pulling yourself back into the circle of being that is you.
It follows then that those of us often awake during these are working towards something, working something out, engaging in some kind of personal process or praxis- moving always forward into tomorrow.
Certainly this has been, and continues to be a time of deep transition in my life and the lives of those I love vehemently enough to call family. This is not a negative, it just is.
There is a sort of undulating mantra of my own making, I return to again and again, it always goes something like this: This is what I know- I know that I am loved and that those I love know it, everyday. I know beyond the trappings of Western constructs, beyond the idea(l) of productivity that I am worth it and that knowing who you are and what you believe is not an end point, it is a state of being, of endless circular, self-perpetuating movement and a practice of acceptance. It is something I, and I believe most of us cannot endeavor to tackle alone, who are we anyway, without the people that matter to us?
I could list again the many tangible ways in which the past year or so have been about completion, transition, adjustment, the pursuit of love... But we know that already.
Right now, I am choosing just to accept the process and to continue living in all of those moments, whatever and whomever they bring me, whatever and whomever I find in myself.
I will continue to know that I am complete, that I am here and that there will never be a point when I arrive at a finite destination, a place of "doneness" where I have nothing left to learn, nothing left to want, no more love to give to myself, no more love to give anyone else- no, those feelings will only continue to grow exponentially.
I will continue to love those I love with fervor, with my whole self. I will endeavor everyday to embrace the process, to grow more and give more and be.
Monday, March 22, 2010
January-March with Ethan, Jeff and me...Ohio, Las Vegas
Jeff and I have just spent a fabulous weekend together. I never imagined that I would be so much more in love everyday.
We are settling into the new house and our new lives together, swimmingly! Here are some photos from our most recent visits with Ethan who we talk to regularly and will see again in June and hopefully more, and more regularly after that.
Ethan and I at The Boonshoft Discovery Museum in Dayton, Ohio
Ethan and I with a bag o' Passover plague masks, courtesy of Mom, in Las Vegas!
Bowling with Ethan the astronaut in Las Vegas!Ethan the astronaut works it out!
Ethan at his first Vegas buffet, yes- he fully enjoyed dessert!
Ethan and I watching dolphins and hanging out in the sun in Vegas.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Vegas, Baby!
We spent very little time on the strip, except for a quick trip to Circus Circus where Ethan won a full animal managerie that is keeping the Cowie (Ethan has a thing for cows and Cowie is his best and softest friend!) that lives at our house company! We also dined at The Rainforest Cafe and enjoyed seeing lots of big cats and dolphins at Siegfried and Roy's Secret Garden and at The MGM hotel!
But really, the highlight's were, Ethan and I building a rocket ship out of the box that the motorcycle that Jeff's mom bought him came in, while the battery charged, (for 18 hours!)! The rocket ship had a pointy, very rocket like top and flames at the bottom that Ethan added. It also had a door with a handle. Jeff and Ethan decorated the rocket ship with glitter because, in Ethan's words, "It's a rocket, we need it to have BILLIONS of glitter!"
Jeff and I also took him to a wonderful park with tons of climbing walls, slides and various types of swings. We all had a great time playing in the desert sun!
Later that day we took Ethan bumper bowling! We all had a great time bowling, wearing funny shoes and dancing! It is important to mention that Ethan spent the ENTIRE weekend in his new astronaut suit, also courtesy of Grandi, Jeff's mom! So, the bowling, dancing , climbing, sliding, dolphin and lion spotting astronaut got lots of attention!
Jeff, Grandi and I took Ethan to his first Vegas buffet for dinner on Friday night. Ethan ate lots of mac and cheese, corn, broccoli and pizza and then really enjoyed eating/playing/creating with lots of dessert items; While making a chocolate ice cream, cherry, M&M soup composition Ethan said, "Look, I'm flattening it, I'm a flatterer!" Hilarious!
On Saturday morning Jeff started a game with Ethan where Ethan kept making Jeff uncover him and them hug and tickle him and then do it again! When Jeff went to take a shower, I continued the "blanket mountain game"- only this time there were lots of mysterious animals under the blanket and I had to guess which ones they were and then tickle them! I have now tickled a marmoset, an ocelot, a lion and a three toed sloth, among other animals!
At one point Ethan told me he was going to go see what Grandi and Gramples (Ethan's name for Jeff's stepfather) were doing. He started to make his way down the hallway and then quickly turned around and came back to peek around the corner at me saying, "...but I love you!" Precious!
Ethan loved it when we went to see a magic show and Jeff and I ended up getting "volunteered" to go onstage and take part in a card trick! I could hear him from the audience saying "That's my daddy and my 'Viva!"
When we were getting ready to take Ethan back to the hotel where Ethan's Mother and Grandmother were staying, in preparation for a very early Sunday morning flight back to Ohio, Andi, Jeff's Mom said, we have to take you back to Mommy now, Ethan(who was melting down from tiredness and the upcoming transition, at this point) said, "Which one?"
Andi, laughing asked, "How many Mommies do you have?" Ethan's response was wonderful, with a huge smile on his face he said, "One and one 'Viva!"
So wonderful that Ethan is getting a sense of his place in his Portland and Las Vegas based family.
It was wonderful to see Ethan and of course it made us look forward to the next time!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
New life beginning...
This is a short post as I have tons to do today! Most importantly, I am trotting my tush (beguiling though shrinking as it may be, to date, I've lost 43 or so pounds since the beginning of October! Hooray for swimming and working out and being happy!) down to the local Social Security office to show them our certified marriage certificate so I can now do everything official, like file taxes,etc. under my new name!
Jeff and I are so happy in our new house and in our new neighborhood!
Last night, because it was my brother's birthday and, just because we could, we went to The Goodfoot for their regular Monday night open mic. It was so wonderful to realize that we could do that and still be home at a reasonable hour. Needless, we love our new neighborhood, our new life and all of the doors that being married, out of Beaverton, not tied to Jeff's former marriage in any way, living in our wonderful house that needs work (so we get to live in it as it takes shape, just like us and our lives) are bringing to us! A common refrain in our house between Jeff and I is, "I love you more everyday"! I am so happy we are now in a position to share that love with all of our friends and family and with Ethan, especially, who we get to see in Las Vegas in just over a week!
Jeff and I are so happy in our new house and in our new neighborhood!
Last night, because it was my brother's birthday and, just because we could, we went to The Goodfoot for their regular Monday night open mic. It was so wonderful to realize that we could do that and still be home at a reasonable hour. Needless, we love our new neighborhood, our new life and all of the doors that being married, out of Beaverton, not tied to Jeff's former marriage in any way, living in our wonderful house that needs work (so we get to live in it as it takes shape, just like us and our lives) are bringing to us! A common refrain in our house between Jeff and I is, "I love you more everyday"! I am so happy we are now in a position to share that love with all of our friends and family and with Ethan, especially, who we get to see in Las Vegas in just over a week!
Friday, February 19, 2010
Milestones
19 February, 2010. It's a big day. As of today, Jeff and I have been married two months and we have lived in our new home exactly one week! The combination of those two events, the commemoration of our marriage and the one week anniversary of our residence in our new home, thrills me and yet doesn't surprise me at all!
We are starting to feel at home in our new house and, have always felt at home, at peace, excited about and, completely secure in our unity as a couple.
It is a welcome surprise to find ourselves having escaped Beaverton unscathed and completely in love with each other and our new/old lives in inner South East Portland.
To paraphrase a good friend of ours, " It is so nice to be in a home that reflects us and a neighborhood in which we feel like we can breathe and grow and become ourselves, as a couple and as individuals, as a family... Death to the liminality of our life in Beaverton!"
Absolutely! We are so happy to be starting anew, finally! I don't think it has really hit us how lucky we are to be in living in the area we are in, no more then 3 minutes by car to just about anywhere we would want to be and within very easy walking/public transit access to the entire Portland universe.
The joy and the novelty of walking to pick up good chinese food (an 11 minute door to door round trip, including payment and pick up!) on Wednesday after work, was not lost on either Jeff or I! It's the little things sometimes!
Sure, we still have a basement full of boxes to deal with and sometimes have trouble remembering where we put the bowls, etc... but we are home and we are together and that means more to me and to Jeff then I think either of us could have anticipated.
For Jeff, living in a house built in 1920 is a big transition but, I think, a welcome one- for me, it feels like coming home. And even though I know a 90 year old house is only old in the North American sense, it feel familiar to me and I am glad to be able to ease Jeff into living in a house that has a soul and a positive history rather then ghosts of past residents and relationships and a negative history, a feeling that hung over us for the entire time that we "lived" in Jeff's old house in Beaverton.
Such a wonderful feeling to wake up everyday and be happy, not naive, not unaware that life and, love and being in a family and, a community takes daily work and commitment but, we are so happy to finally be here. We love our little bungalow and can't wait for Ethan to come stay with us and, for friends and family to come enjoy our new home with us. We have truly arrived! I will try to post pictures soon. Also, I sent out an email with our new contact info to most of you but, for those of you who were not on that list, feel free to email me at: aviva@eberlin.net for our street address, phone number(s), etc...
Love, Light, and (a rare moment) of Portland early Spring sunshine to you all! I've just written this whole blog soaking up vitamin D while basking in the sun on our front porch, as Flynn kitty looks on from behind the screen door- a new favorite occupation of his.
Be well, all!
We are starting to feel at home in our new house and, have always felt at home, at peace, excited about and, completely secure in our unity as a couple.
It is a welcome surprise to find ourselves having escaped Beaverton unscathed and completely in love with each other and our new/old lives in inner South East Portland.
To paraphrase a good friend of ours, " It is so nice to be in a home that reflects us and a neighborhood in which we feel like we can breathe and grow and become ourselves, as a couple and as individuals, as a family... Death to the liminality of our life in Beaverton!"
Absolutely! We are so happy to be starting anew, finally! I don't think it has really hit us how lucky we are to be in living in the area we are in, no more then 3 minutes by car to just about anywhere we would want to be and within very easy walking/public transit access to the entire Portland universe.
The joy and the novelty of walking to pick up good chinese food (an 11 minute door to door round trip, including payment and pick up!) on Wednesday after work, was not lost on either Jeff or I! It's the little things sometimes!
Sure, we still have a basement full of boxes to deal with and sometimes have trouble remembering where we put the bowls, etc... but we are home and we are together and that means more to me and to Jeff then I think either of us could have anticipated.
For Jeff, living in a house built in 1920 is a big transition but, I think, a welcome one- for me, it feels like coming home. And even though I know a 90 year old house is only old in the North American sense, it feel familiar to me and I am glad to be able to ease Jeff into living in a house that has a soul and a positive history rather then ghosts of past residents and relationships and a negative history, a feeling that hung over us for the entire time that we "lived" in Jeff's old house in Beaverton.
Such a wonderful feeling to wake up everyday and be happy, not naive, not unaware that life and, love and being in a family and, a community takes daily work and commitment but, we are so happy to finally be here. We love our little bungalow and can't wait for Ethan to come stay with us and, for friends and family to come enjoy our new home with us. We have truly arrived! I will try to post pictures soon. Also, I sent out an email with our new contact info to most of you but, for those of you who were not on that list, feel free to email me at: aviva@eberlin.net for our street address, phone number(s), etc...
Love, Light, and (a rare moment) of Portland early Spring sunshine to you all! I've just written this whole blog soaking up vitamin D while basking in the sun on our front porch, as Flynn kitty looks on from behind the screen door- a new favorite occupation of his.
Be well, all!
Monday, February 8, 2010
Transitions a plenty!
Firstly, apologies for not posting pictures of Jeff and my visit with Ethan in Ohio, yet! I fully intend to do so but, as the title belies, this last few weeks have hit the zenith of transitions! Jeff and I are also excited to be going to Vegas for the first weekend in March to see Ethan at Jeff's parents house, perhaps I will post a blog full of Ethan pics after what I'm sure will be a fun and exciting family weekend!
All of these transitions are wonderful, scary, joyous, stressful, deadline driven, fast-paced and ultimately, the best thing to happen to Jeff and I since well, our wonderful wedding!
2010 is certainly turning out to be our year! We are still blissfully happy and more and more in love with each other and our ability to support each other, be resilient, positive, engaged in the world and our community, work together and strive always for what is best for our selves as individuals, as a couple and, as a support for our loved ones, family and close friends. This of course includes our parents on both sides, our siblings and their partners on both sides, and of course, and always, Ethan!
The big news is that we are moving out of Beaverton, finally! It is such a liberating feeling to know that we will have a place of our own in which our love and our commitment to each other, our sense of partnership and family can grow- unburdened by the ghost of Jeff's former marriage.
We have been so lucky in finding each other and being able to work through some incredibly difficult times and issues, many of which most couples don't face or weather successfully, ever that it is almost not surprising that the house we are moving into was the second one we looked at!
We were officially accepted as renters in the middle of last week which meant that much of our time last week was spent packing and organizing a move in hopes of but not, certainty that ,we would be accepted and yet, having no choice as the Beaverton house closes on the 16th of February!
Our plan is to rent for a year or two and then consider our options as far as whether to buy a home or continue to rent.
We are thrilled to have found a beautiful 1920's bungalow with a huge partially finished basement, new back deck and front porch, and tons of yard space for planting in both the front and back yards! The house needs work but we seem to have found a management company that is very proactive and aware of the work that needs doing.
The house has three bedrooms and tons of gorgeous period details like built in glass front shelves, quirky walk in closets, a claw footed bath tub in a bathroom with wonderful tile work and, the piece de' resistance, a wonderful 1920's kitchen! The house as a whole has tons of storage space and lots of character! It has three bedrooms, one of which we are using as a den and, the other we are setting up as a room for Ethan and/or any guests who want to come visit!
The house is smack in the middle of inner SE Portland, no more then 7 minutes from my Mom's house, the house that Jeremy and Melissa will be living in soon, many friends and loved ones, coffee shops, restaurants, great transit links, music venues, etc... This move is going to change our lives in so many ways and, it is about time! We will no longer be "fish out of water" in suburban-bedroom community land but, close to our friends and family and in prime position to pursue our passions and truly experience Portland!
Even though this move (as all moves are) is difficult and tiring, we are so very thrilled about the positive effects that this will have on Jeff and my lives and so excited to be able to share that life with Ethan when he comes to spend time with us!
So far Jeff and I have proven to be a great (and rather fast!) moving team.
This is a great learning experience for both of us; For Jeff it is a new experience to live in an older home and to have a partner who is equally invested and involved in doing the work needed to make the move happen.
For me, it is a new experience to share the moving process with a partner, to realize that while my vast knowledge and experience of inner and transcontinental moves is useful here, I have only ever done those moves on my own. It is great to have a partner who is appreciative of my packing, hauling, organizing and, moving prowess while not expecting me to do all of it!
Feel free to come visit! When we are fully out of the Beaverton house, in a week, exactly- I will send out new address announcements! Much love and smooth transitions, whatever they may be, to you all!
All of these transitions are wonderful, scary, joyous, stressful, deadline driven, fast-paced and ultimately, the best thing to happen to Jeff and I since well, our wonderful wedding!
2010 is certainly turning out to be our year! We are still blissfully happy and more and more in love with each other and our ability to support each other, be resilient, positive, engaged in the world and our community, work together and strive always for what is best for our selves as individuals, as a couple and, as a support for our loved ones, family and close friends. This of course includes our parents on both sides, our siblings and their partners on both sides, and of course, and always, Ethan!
The big news is that we are moving out of Beaverton, finally! It is such a liberating feeling to know that we will have a place of our own in which our love and our commitment to each other, our sense of partnership and family can grow- unburdened by the ghost of Jeff's former marriage.
We have been so lucky in finding each other and being able to work through some incredibly difficult times and issues, many of which most couples don't face or weather successfully, ever that it is almost not surprising that the house we are moving into was the second one we looked at!
We were officially accepted as renters in the middle of last week which meant that much of our time last week was spent packing and organizing a move in hopes of but not, certainty that ,we would be accepted and yet, having no choice as the Beaverton house closes on the 16th of February!
Our plan is to rent for a year or two and then consider our options as far as whether to buy a home or continue to rent.
We are thrilled to have found a beautiful 1920's bungalow with a huge partially finished basement, new back deck and front porch, and tons of yard space for planting in both the front and back yards! The house needs work but we seem to have found a management company that is very proactive and aware of the work that needs doing.
The house has three bedrooms and tons of gorgeous period details like built in glass front shelves, quirky walk in closets, a claw footed bath tub in a bathroom with wonderful tile work and, the piece de' resistance, a wonderful 1920's kitchen! The house as a whole has tons of storage space and lots of character! It has three bedrooms, one of which we are using as a den and, the other we are setting up as a room for Ethan and/or any guests who want to come visit!
The house is smack in the middle of inner SE Portland, no more then 7 minutes from my Mom's house, the house that Jeremy and Melissa will be living in soon, many friends and loved ones, coffee shops, restaurants, great transit links, music venues, etc... This move is going to change our lives in so many ways and, it is about time! We will no longer be "fish out of water" in suburban-bedroom community land but, close to our friends and family and in prime position to pursue our passions and truly experience Portland!
Even though this move (as all moves are) is difficult and tiring, we are so very thrilled about the positive effects that this will have on Jeff and my lives and so excited to be able to share that life with Ethan when he comes to spend time with us!
So far Jeff and I have proven to be a great (and rather fast!) moving team.
This is a great learning experience for both of us; For Jeff it is a new experience to live in an older home and to have a partner who is equally invested and involved in doing the work needed to make the move happen.
For me, it is a new experience to share the moving process with a partner, to realize that while my vast knowledge and experience of inner and transcontinental moves is useful here, I have only ever done those moves on my own. It is great to have a partner who is appreciative of my packing, hauling, organizing and, moving prowess while not expecting me to do all of it!
Feel free to come visit! When we are fully out of the Beaverton house, in a week, exactly- I will send out new address announcements! Much love and smooth transitions, whatever they may be, to you all!
Monday, January 25, 2010
Returning from Ohio
Jeff and I have just returned from a wonderful weekend spent with Ethan in Ohio! We Explored the Boonshoft Discovery Museum where we let Ethan lead us in lots of hands on imaginary play, saw lots of exotic reptiles, amphibians and, mammals and then spent lots of time playing outside on the grounds of the museum, climbing rocks, exploring the surrounding woods, pretending to build campfires and roast marshmallows and hotdogs, and even more climbing of just about everything "climbable"! Ethan is definitely an imaginative, kinetic, flexible, adaptable and, loving little boy!
We also spent lots of time at the hotel using art supplies that I brought from Portland; modeling clay, gel paints, markers were all put to great use! Ethan really loves to paint and loved the manipulative aspects of using the clay!
We also played a bit with legos brought from Ethan's mother's house and with an airplane that Jeff and I bought for Ethan at "Cracker Barrel", definitely a culinary experience though, not one I need to repeat! Ohio certainly has a lack of vegetable matter and a wealth of fast and processed food options! I'm glad to be back in lush, sustainable, culinary adventure land, Portland!
Ethan also really enjoyed the "Flippin' Froggies" and "I Spy Go Fish" game I brought from Portland! Thank goodness for Finnegans when you need to make and emergency, non-"plastic America" toy run!
There was lots of story reading! It was a pleasure to get to read many of the books that Jeff and I just got for Ethan for Hannukah! Ethan and I both especially loved reading(and re-reading) "In the Night Kitchen", "Where the Wild Things Are" and "I Stink"!
Ethan really wanted to spend the night at the hotel with us and, though it was hard to refuse him, when he was so clearly ready to stay with Jeff and I, I am proud of all of us for abiding by the agreements that Jeff and his ex wife made.
There was lots and lots of imaginative play and being silly, lots of wrestling and tickle fights and kisses and hugs!
And that was just Saturday!
On Sunday, We all trekked (in the middle of a power outage, which Ethan weathered beautifully!) to lunch at "Five Guys" and then to "Entertrainment Junction, a museum full of detailed scale replicas of trains through the ages, as well as lots of train related play activities for kids! Ethan, Jeff and I loved it, even though the first hour or so, none of the trains were running due to the afore mentioned power outage!
This was after another morning of art, being silly, imaginative play and lots of fun at the hotel!
Every time we went anywhere in the car, Ethan insisted that I sit next to him, this gave us more bonding time and also reminded me of how bonded and comfortable with me, Ethan already is. An important developmental step for Ethan and for Jeff and I as we all continue to build our family.
We all talked a lot about how lucky Ethan is to have two families, one in Ohio with his Mommy and Grandpa Bear and many grandmothers and, one in Portland (and Las Vegas) with Jeff and I and my family and with Andi and Les in Las Vegas! We talked about how wonderful it is that he has two houses, one in Ohio with Mommy and one in Portland with Daddy and I! Ethan is very excited to be part of designing his room in the new house, when Jeff and I get to that stage! He is also very eager to come stay with us in Portland. Don't worry Ethan, we can't wait either!
While riding in the car, Ethan and I read more stories, told jokes and all of us rocked out to the sounds of "The Philadelphia Chickens"!
Most of the time that I was sitting next to Ethan he held my hand and at one point, totally unprovoked looked at me and said, "Hey, you are MY Aviva!", with a huge smile on his face! I think I've just been claimed!
I was so glad to be a witness to Ethan figuring out how he fits into his family with Jeff and I. what a joy! How lucky we all are!
At the end of the day yesterday, as Jeff and I prepared to get to the airport in Dayton, we dropped Ethan off at his Mom's house and for the first time I got to meet Ethan's Mother and much of his extended family. It was a big step for all of us. I pleased with how I conducted myself and it was great to see Ethan's room, etc. It probably isn't an experience I need to repeat, my focus is and always will be on Ethan and Jeff's wellbeing and the wellbeing of our family. I don't need to relate to or befriend Jeff's ex wife, the potential for misunderstanding and mixed messages is just too great. But, I am proud of all of the adults in Ethan's life for conducting themselves with appropriate decorum for what will probably be a one time event and, really thrilled with how much fun Ethan, Jeff and I had this weekend! Pictures will follow soon!
Much love to you all!
We also spent lots of time at the hotel using art supplies that I brought from Portland; modeling clay, gel paints, markers were all put to great use! Ethan really loves to paint and loved the manipulative aspects of using the clay!
We also played a bit with legos brought from Ethan's mother's house and with an airplane that Jeff and I bought for Ethan at "Cracker Barrel", definitely a culinary experience though, not one I need to repeat! Ohio certainly has a lack of vegetable matter and a wealth of fast and processed food options! I'm glad to be back in lush, sustainable, culinary adventure land, Portland!
Ethan also really enjoyed the "Flippin' Froggies" and "I Spy Go Fish" game I brought from Portland! Thank goodness for Finnegans when you need to make and emergency, non-"plastic America" toy run!
There was lots of story reading! It was a pleasure to get to read many of the books that Jeff and I just got for Ethan for Hannukah! Ethan and I both especially loved reading(and re-reading) "In the Night Kitchen", "Where the Wild Things Are" and "I Stink"!
Ethan really wanted to spend the night at the hotel with us and, though it was hard to refuse him, when he was so clearly ready to stay with Jeff and I, I am proud of all of us for abiding by the agreements that Jeff and his ex wife made.
There was lots and lots of imaginative play and being silly, lots of wrestling and tickle fights and kisses and hugs!
And that was just Saturday!
On Sunday, We all trekked (in the middle of a power outage, which Ethan weathered beautifully!) to lunch at "Five Guys" and then to "Entertrainment Junction, a museum full of detailed scale replicas of trains through the ages, as well as lots of train related play activities for kids! Ethan, Jeff and I loved it, even though the first hour or so, none of the trains were running due to the afore mentioned power outage!
This was after another morning of art, being silly, imaginative play and lots of fun at the hotel!
Every time we went anywhere in the car, Ethan insisted that I sit next to him, this gave us more bonding time and also reminded me of how bonded and comfortable with me, Ethan already is. An important developmental step for Ethan and for Jeff and I as we all continue to build our family.
We all talked a lot about how lucky Ethan is to have two families, one in Ohio with his Mommy and Grandpa Bear and many grandmothers and, one in Portland (and Las Vegas) with Jeff and I and my family and with Andi and Les in Las Vegas! We talked about how wonderful it is that he has two houses, one in Ohio with Mommy and one in Portland with Daddy and I! Ethan is very excited to be part of designing his room in the new house, when Jeff and I get to that stage! He is also very eager to come stay with us in Portland. Don't worry Ethan, we can't wait either!
While riding in the car, Ethan and I read more stories, told jokes and all of us rocked out to the sounds of "The Philadelphia Chickens"!
Most of the time that I was sitting next to Ethan he held my hand and at one point, totally unprovoked looked at me and said, "Hey, you are MY Aviva!", with a huge smile on his face! I think I've just been claimed!
I was so glad to be a witness to Ethan figuring out how he fits into his family with Jeff and I. what a joy! How lucky we all are!
At the end of the day yesterday, as Jeff and I prepared to get to the airport in Dayton, we dropped Ethan off at his Mom's house and for the first time I got to meet Ethan's Mother and much of his extended family. It was a big step for all of us. I pleased with how I conducted myself and it was great to see Ethan's room, etc. It probably isn't an experience I need to repeat, my focus is and always will be on Ethan and Jeff's wellbeing and the wellbeing of our family. I don't need to relate to or befriend Jeff's ex wife, the potential for misunderstanding and mixed messages is just too great. But, I am proud of all of the adults in Ethan's life for conducting themselves with appropriate decorum for what will probably be a one time event and, really thrilled with how much fun Ethan, Jeff and I had this weekend! Pictures will follow soon!
Much love to you all!
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Date night and news of the week
It has been a roller coaster of a week!
I continue to search for ways to grow my educational (and I've added the word community because I think it is more all inclusive of the type of work I do and want to be doing) consultant business and collecting organizations to consult/work with is a process I can only think is something akin to swimming through peanut butter in my steal toed doc martens of yore!
Especially in this economy, I think schools and other businesses I might work with feel completely confident in thinking that they can just work on their own very slow communication time line and those of us offering services will just wait around until such time as they decide to resurface! Unfortunately, as a result of the economical malaise, the power dynamics inherent in that relationship are rather unavoidable!
I have also reintroduced the writer and performer titles into my professional introductions as both of those things seem be flowing in quite a prodigious and maybe even profit producing fashion, in my life!
The sale of the Beaverton house may or may not happen soon at a different amount and, with different stipulations that we had hoped, chalk another one up to the barreled out economy!
Jeff has been working amazingingly hard, in a very transitional and difficult time at work and seeing the grace and, devotion and. calm he has displayed in regards to both, work and house sale situations, makes me proud to be his wife.
We continue to love each other more and differently, and to know each other more and differently every day! I could not be more thrilled about that!
To that end, we are going on a dinner date to celebrate our one month anniversary of being married, tonight- many thanks to Jeff's parents for sponsoring that event!
Yesterday, my mom and I went shopping for gifts for people who directly contributed to our wedding and she is making thank you cards that will be sent to those people as well as anyone who brought us a gift (even though we asked for no gifts as there will be plenty of opportunity for gift giving at our celebration of continued commitment, family and, community in August). We may also use the thank you cards my mom is designing as the basis for our announcements and invites for the August event! We are so thankful for the support that we have from family, framily, community and, loved ones all around! I feel lucky everyday to be part of my biological and new, immediate family and to have so many people who love and support Jeff and I, everyday!
I am also excited because in less then seven days, I will be able to join Jeff to visit my stepson (though I still prefer and will use whenever possible, the term "bonus", which I am stealing from a friend who is also in the process of blending her family) Ethan!
It will be the first time I have seen Ethan since mid April and my first time in the midwest, Ohio! Get ready to hear about lots of fun indoor and possibly snowy, adventures! I'm sure if Ethan has anything to do with it, one of those adventures will include my introduction to Skyline Chili, apparently an Ohio staple that Ethan loves! I can't wait for any of it!
I continue to search for ways to grow my educational (and I've added the word community because I think it is more all inclusive of the type of work I do and want to be doing) consultant business and collecting organizations to consult/work with is a process I can only think is something akin to swimming through peanut butter in my steal toed doc martens of yore!
Especially in this economy, I think schools and other businesses I might work with feel completely confident in thinking that they can just work on their own very slow communication time line and those of us offering services will just wait around until such time as they decide to resurface! Unfortunately, as a result of the economical malaise, the power dynamics inherent in that relationship are rather unavoidable!
I have also reintroduced the writer and performer titles into my professional introductions as both of those things seem be flowing in quite a prodigious and maybe even profit producing fashion, in my life!
The sale of the Beaverton house may or may not happen soon at a different amount and, with different stipulations that we had hoped, chalk another one up to the barreled out economy!
Jeff has been working amazingingly hard, in a very transitional and difficult time at work and seeing the grace and, devotion and. calm he has displayed in regards to both, work and house sale situations, makes me proud to be his wife.
We continue to love each other more and differently, and to know each other more and differently every day! I could not be more thrilled about that!
To that end, we are going on a dinner date to celebrate our one month anniversary of being married, tonight- many thanks to Jeff's parents for sponsoring that event!
Yesterday, my mom and I went shopping for gifts for people who directly contributed to our wedding and she is making thank you cards that will be sent to those people as well as anyone who brought us a gift (even though we asked for no gifts as there will be plenty of opportunity for gift giving at our celebration of continued commitment, family and, community in August). We may also use the thank you cards my mom is designing as the basis for our announcements and invites for the August event! We are so thankful for the support that we have from family, framily, community and, loved ones all around! I feel lucky everyday to be part of my biological and new, immediate family and to have so many people who love and support Jeff and I, everyday!
I am also excited because in less then seven days, I will be able to join Jeff to visit my stepson (though I still prefer and will use whenever possible, the term "bonus", which I am stealing from a friend who is also in the process of blending her family) Ethan!
It will be the first time I have seen Ethan since mid April and my first time in the midwest, Ohio! Get ready to hear about lots of fun indoor and possibly snowy, adventures! I'm sure if Ethan has anything to do with it, one of those adventures will include my introduction to Skyline Chili, apparently an Ohio staple that Ethan loves! I can't wait for any of it!
Monday, January 11, 2010
Just lucky, I guess
At a glamtastic birthday party for a friend this weekend, surrounded by friends, loved ones, soon to be friends and lots of people I didn't know- all of us dancing and imbibing and getting into the spirit, I caught myself in the act of one of many firsts...
While involved in an uproarious conversation with Drew and Susan, mostly involving being in awe of all the glitter, leopard print, big hair and neon people had decked themselves out in.. I noticed that Jeff was not involved in the conversation, probably outside on the back porch or involved in another conversation in the kitchen (we both love the fact that we feel so completely secure in our connection and our love that we don't have to be one of those couple that need to be attached at the hip- I often lose him in social situations or, he loses me, temporarily...), not seeing Jeff I jokingly said, "Where is my husband?"
Hooray! I suddenly realized that was the first time I had ever asked that question, in any manner, especially jokingly. And one of only a handful of times I've referred to Jeff as my husband.
For so long, I thought I would never get married, that this kind of partnership just wouldn't be part of my future. Now that Jeff and I are blissfully, happily, married- I'm so glad I waited, so glad I let love find me and so glad to have truly found my soul mate. I just feel lucky. Everyday, every moment.
In the less then two years that Jeff and I have known each other, we have had to deal with (past, present and, future) some trials and tribulations that many couples hardly face in a decade.
What could have broken many couples apart has served and continues to serve as the part of the safety net that our relationship is, for both of us. Other parts of that safety net include our absolute joy in being with each other and our unending and ever growing love for one another. I love Jeff more everyday, I also know him more everyday and that adds to that ever changing love. I know that Jeff feels the same way about me.
We love each other when things are easy and when they are more difficult, resolve issues quickly and by talking it out. We are always willing to listen.
I love Jeff for who he is and who he will become and because he loves me in the same way. I can't wait for what the future holds and am so glad I married my best friend.
I'm also excited for a very quickly approaching future event, Jeff and I will be visiting Ethan in Ohio in just a few weeks! I can't wait! I'm so excited to see Ethan, especially this first time as his step mother (or as a friend of mine says, "bonus" mother, a term I think is so much more positive and reflective of the relationship that Ethan, Jeff and, I already have...), and can't wait to share Jeff and my joy and love with Ethan! We are all just so very lucky! And I am so lucky to have the love and support of all of you who are reading this. It means the world to me. It means the world to us... Luck, love and, light to you all!
While involved in an uproarious conversation with Drew and Susan, mostly involving being in awe of all the glitter, leopard print, big hair and neon people had decked themselves out in.. I noticed that Jeff was not involved in the conversation, probably outside on the back porch or involved in another conversation in the kitchen (we both love the fact that we feel so completely secure in our connection and our love that we don't have to be one of those couple that need to be attached at the hip- I often lose him in social situations or, he loses me, temporarily...), not seeing Jeff I jokingly said, "Where is my husband?"
Hooray! I suddenly realized that was the first time I had ever asked that question, in any manner, especially jokingly. And one of only a handful of times I've referred to Jeff as my husband.
For so long, I thought I would never get married, that this kind of partnership just wouldn't be part of my future. Now that Jeff and I are blissfully, happily, married- I'm so glad I waited, so glad I let love find me and so glad to have truly found my soul mate. I just feel lucky. Everyday, every moment.
In the less then two years that Jeff and I have known each other, we have had to deal with (past, present and, future) some trials and tribulations that many couples hardly face in a decade.
What could have broken many couples apart has served and continues to serve as the part of the safety net that our relationship is, for both of us. Other parts of that safety net include our absolute joy in being with each other and our unending and ever growing love for one another. I love Jeff more everyday, I also know him more everyday and that adds to that ever changing love. I know that Jeff feels the same way about me.
We love each other when things are easy and when they are more difficult, resolve issues quickly and by talking it out. We are always willing to listen.
I love Jeff for who he is and who he will become and because he loves me in the same way. I can't wait for what the future holds and am so glad I married my best friend.
I'm also excited for a very quickly approaching future event, Jeff and I will be visiting Ethan in Ohio in just a few weeks! I can't wait! I'm so excited to see Ethan, especially this first time as his step mother (or as a friend of mine says, "bonus" mother, a term I think is so much more positive and reflective of the relationship that Ethan, Jeff and, I already have...), and can't wait to share Jeff and my joy and love with Ethan! We are all just so very lucky! And I am so lucky to have the love and support of all of you who are reading this. It means the world to me. It means the world to us... Luck, love and, light to you all!
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Wedding pictures available!
Hi All,
I will blog more later but, Jeff and my wedding pictures are now available! go to: www.eberlinwedding.shutterfly.com where you can peruse, order pictures, see a preview of what our August celebration of family, commitment and, community will look like!
Much love to you all!
Aviva
I will blog more later but, Jeff and my wedding pictures are now available! go to: www.eberlinwedding.shutterfly.com where you can peruse, order pictures, see a preview of what our August celebration of family, commitment and, community will look like!
Much love to you all!
Aviva
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Jumping in head first
2010- Which I'm deciding to call "Twenty - Ten", the alternative seems to clumsy for me... I am prone (being a Gemini) to changing my mind so, don't hold me to that, yet; is starting off with a bang! Lots of exciting personal growth happening!
Jeff and I continue to transition smoothly into marriage. We are still more and more in love and committed to each other every day, every moment. We make each other laugh, challenge each other to take risks on personal and professional levels. We are each other's biggest fan and most honest constructive critic.
There are of course, bumps in the road, we are still living in the house that Jeff owns with his ex wife. Of course this is not ideal in many ways. The location keeps us too far removed from the urban and creative buzz of Portland, proper as well as, from our beloved and bolstering family and community (both bio and non) who are mostly located in SE Portland. But, Jeff and I have found that we are quite good at finding the good in the difficult.
Living in the Beaverton house has taught me that I am quite good at keeping the house in "show worthy" condition. I had a large hand in the staging of the house as it is now and both the professional stager and I were very pleased that we were able to stage the house to prime show quality using only things that were already here as well as, things that I brought in when I moved in in the Spring along with art, books, furnishings and, artifacts that Jeff and I collected together. By putting art on the walls and books on the shelves and bringing an honest reflection of Jeff and I and our love that is visible to prospective buyers, the professional stager we worked with felt that we brought a real "soul" to the house that hadn't been there before. It feels wonderful to have contributed in that way to our home in addition to the financial contributions and responsibilities that Jeff and I share.
Of course, this is an incredibly difficult market in which to sell a property but, we never get any negative feedback. Jeff and I both have faith that eventually the house will sell to the right buyer.
Given what could be seen as a difficulty, I think Jeff and I continue to do a great job of flourishing and growing as a unit and individually, even in less then ideal conditions.
Blogging has really re-awakened my writer self and that, along with Jeff's encouragement has brought me back to my love of and, talent for, performing. I'm auditioning for an exciting ensemble piece called, "Inviting Desire", later this evening! Ironically, this piece was created by a former Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts, London colleague of mine!
I continue to slowly grow my Educational Consulting business and look forward to the time, most likely after the move, when that professional venture can have more of a physical presence and a "home of its own".
Patience is certainly one of my many daily meditations.
Jeff and I are both very excited that later this month we get to go see my new stepson, Ethan at his mother's family home in Ohio! This is the first time that I will be able to visit Ethan and in fact the first time I will have seen him since March. The day Ethan and his mother moved to Ohio was one of the hardest and saddest of my life, not only because I felt Jeff's anguish over the situation but, because, distance certainly didn't and doesn't make continuing to develop a positive relationship with Ethan, easy. I can't wait to see Ethan! Though we have gotten to speak on the phone and Skype a few times, always with hilarious and wonderful results, it just isn't the same as being able to spend time with him in person.
Especially now that Jeff and I are married, I look forward to seeing Ethan much more and, to many more years of creating a second family full of joy and exciting experiences and, of course, lots and lots of love, for Ethan.
So, even though nothing has been easy or handed to us, Jeff and I continue to blossom and grow together in this new form that our relationship and our family has taken.
We are approaching this new year with excitement and positivity, always taking comfort in the fact that we are the creators of our own destiny and that we are each others greatest support!
So far, it has been a wonderful year! I hope the same can be said for all of you!
Jeff and I continue to transition smoothly into marriage. We are still more and more in love and committed to each other every day, every moment. We make each other laugh, challenge each other to take risks on personal and professional levels. We are each other's biggest fan and most honest constructive critic.
There are of course, bumps in the road, we are still living in the house that Jeff owns with his ex wife. Of course this is not ideal in many ways. The location keeps us too far removed from the urban and creative buzz of Portland, proper as well as, from our beloved and bolstering family and community (both bio and non) who are mostly located in SE Portland. But, Jeff and I have found that we are quite good at finding the good in the difficult.
Living in the Beaverton house has taught me that I am quite good at keeping the house in "show worthy" condition. I had a large hand in the staging of the house as it is now and both the professional stager and I were very pleased that we were able to stage the house to prime show quality using only things that were already here as well as, things that I brought in when I moved in in the Spring along with art, books, furnishings and, artifacts that Jeff and I collected together. By putting art on the walls and books on the shelves and bringing an honest reflection of Jeff and I and our love that is visible to prospective buyers, the professional stager we worked with felt that we brought a real "soul" to the house that hadn't been there before. It feels wonderful to have contributed in that way to our home in addition to the financial contributions and responsibilities that Jeff and I share.
Of course, this is an incredibly difficult market in which to sell a property but, we never get any negative feedback. Jeff and I both have faith that eventually the house will sell to the right buyer.
Given what could be seen as a difficulty, I think Jeff and I continue to do a great job of flourishing and growing as a unit and individually, even in less then ideal conditions.
Blogging has really re-awakened my writer self and that, along with Jeff's encouragement has brought me back to my love of and, talent for, performing. I'm auditioning for an exciting ensemble piece called, "Inviting Desire", later this evening! Ironically, this piece was created by a former Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts, London colleague of mine!
I continue to slowly grow my Educational Consulting business and look forward to the time, most likely after the move, when that professional venture can have more of a physical presence and a "home of its own".
Patience is certainly one of my many daily meditations.
Jeff and I are both very excited that later this month we get to go see my new stepson, Ethan at his mother's family home in Ohio! This is the first time that I will be able to visit Ethan and in fact the first time I will have seen him since March. The day Ethan and his mother moved to Ohio was one of the hardest and saddest of my life, not only because I felt Jeff's anguish over the situation but, because, distance certainly didn't and doesn't make continuing to develop a positive relationship with Ethan, easy. I can't wait to see Ethan! Though we have gotten to speak on the phone and Skype a few times, always with hilarious and wonderful results, it just isn't the same as being able to spend time with him in person.
Especially now that Jeff and I are married, I look forward to seeing Ethan much more and, to many more years of creating a second family full of joy and exciting experiences and, of course, lots and lots of love, for Ethan.
So, even though nothing has been easy or handed to us, Jeff and I continue to blossom and grow together in this new form that our relationship and our family has taken.
We are approaching this new year with excitement and positivity, always taking comfort in the fact that we are the creators of our own destiny and that we are each others greatest support!
So far, it has been a wonderful year! I hope the same can be said for all of you!
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